Exclusive! Jay Leno Would "Hit It".

Ryan Seacrest and the Scrotum Bubble

... and I MISSED this?  Damn mid-evening bender!!!!

Ryan Gosling Defends Pet Rock

Actors and their "things".  Welp... whatever gets you out of bed each morning, heh?

More Late Night Crap photography: Harrison Ford and his "Buds"

Chronic Craig Ferguson does it again, and the Feds ain't too happy.

"Harry's all creaky inside. It hurts to be his age!", exclaimed Ferguson as he dove into his afternoon bowl of haggis. "I'm simply helping out an age-ed fellow with his aches and pains.  Isn't that why America is so great?"

When confronted with the illegality of his act, according to "American" law, Ferguson predictably backtracked. ""It was oregano, okay? What, you gonna arrest Mrs. Dash now? It's her brand!"

When corrected about the fact that Mrs. Dash does not offer oregano in a bag, he spat out a lump of half gnawed haggis and exclaimed "He's putting me in his next film, so there!".  He furthered the discussion by stating, "It's called Willy Nilly's Flying Flower Song of the North Sea Herring.... ahhhh fuck! There's no movie called that!!!!  Damn psycho played my ass!!!!"

More Late Night Crap Photography... Julia Louis-Dreyfuss

Today, Craig Ferguson's people get it.

Lindsay Lohan: Author?... Charlie Sheen Approves

A new self-help book is to hit both the real and virtual shelves some time within the next 90 days.  Entitled "Shop Like a Hero, Spend Less Than Zero" is a how-to guide for the shopaholic in all of us, the criminal in some of us, and the bat-shit crazy psychotic on but a very few of us.  With pre-press copies already in the hands of the Hollywood elite, considerable buzz surrounding the publication is causing a firestorm of activity in chat rooms and on social media outlets worldwide. Not due to the subject matter -- that's innocuous enough -- but the author.

Lindsay Lohan!

"It's got sizzle!", exclaimed associate assistant to the third vice president's senior assistant of New Releases for Scholastic, Debborah Moonviking.  "F**k that Harry Potter twit! THIS is the book of ages, for all ages!"

When Ms. Moonviking was alerted that the HP series was, in fact, published by a Scholastic imprint, she immediately reversed her judgement.

"It's a good book. Every child should own it!"

When Ms. Moonviking was, once again, alerted to another fact, this time about Ms. Lohan's checkered past with thievery and the law, she turned her tune a second time.

"She's the Robin Hood of women. Go LiLo!!!!"

At this point, the interviewer simply threw up his hand and ceased the Q and A session.

The above unconfirmed photo clearly shows actor/part-time weirdo Charlie Sheen possessing a copy of the book. He appears content with the read, despite a recent bout between his current show "Anger Management" and LiLo over stolen jewelry and clothing.  "We all go nuts, sometimes", commented Sheen. "It's what you DO with the nuts that defines you. Look at me! I parlayed my nuts into winning! Lilo parlayed hers, unfortunately, into a tucked spot beneath a table on a filthy floor in Brazil. It's a mindset thing!"

"Doesn't mean she's a damn good shopper", he quipped before hoping on to an imaginary horse and Monty Python-ing it into the soundstage, screaming "I'm the sheriff of assassins!"

Actors...

Leno, Rodman, and Taking Candy From a Baby

Just toooooooo easy.

Will those late night staff photogs EVER learn?

Hopefully, for my sake... Hells no!!!!!