A new self-help book is to hit both the real and virtual shelves some time within the next 90 days. Entitled "Shop Like a Hero, Spend Less Than Zero" is a how-to guide for the shopaholic in all of us, the criminal in some of us, and the bat-shit crazy psychotic on but a very few of us. With pre-press copies already in the hands of the Hollywood elite, considerable buzz surrounding the publication is causing a firestorm of activity in chat rooms and on social media outlets worldwide. Not due to the subject matter -- that's innocuous enough -- but the author.
Lindsay Lohan!
"It's got sizzle!", exclaimed associate assistant to the third vice president's senior assistant of New Releases for Scholastic, Debborah Moonviking. "F**k that Harry Potter twit! THIS is the book of ages, for all ages!"
When Ms. Moonviking was alerted that the HP series was, in fact, published by a Scholastic imprint, she immediately reversed her judgement.
"It's a good book. Every child should own it!"
When Ms. Moonviking was, once again, alerted to another fact, this time about Ms. Lohan's checkered past with thievery and the law, she turned her tune a second time.
"She's the Robin Hood of women. Go LiLo!!!!"
At this point, the interviewer simply threw up his hand and ceased the Q and A session.
The above unconfirmed photo clearly shows actor/part-time weirdo Charlie Sheen possessing a copy of the book. He appears content with the read, despite a recent bout between his current show "Anger Management" and LiLo over stolen jewelry and clothing. "We all go nuts, sometimes", commented Sheen. "It's what you DO with the nuts that defines you. Look at me! I parlayed my nuts into winning! Lilo parlayed hers, unfortunately, into a tucked spot beneath a table on a filthy floor in Brazil. It's a mindset thing!"
"Doesn't mean she's a damn good shopper", he quipped before hoping on to an imaginary horse and Monty Python-ing it into the soundstage, screaming "I'm the sheriff of assassins!"
Actors...
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